Down By Contact (Wilmington Breakers Book 1) Page 3

  “Man, fuck them,” Liam scoffed. “If they’re going to be pissed at anyone, it should be themselves. I’ve been around a long time, and it’s easy to figure out who’s going to stick around and who’s just here so they can brag to their buddies that they got to hang out with the players. That’s why Giles made his little speech about not fraternizing. The network doesn’t actually care what we do, but if someone has a bad case of hero worship, it looks bad for the entire production. And if a cameraman runs his mouth to the wrong person, despite the NDA we all signed, it’d be disastrous.”

  Liam went back to surfing the internet on his phone, leaving me to run through every possible scenario for today. While it’d be nice to think that maybe we’d matured in the past few years and Zach would realize what I’d done was best for both of us, I knew that wouldn’t happen. The best I could hope for was stunned silence, followed by a death glare, which would eventually lead to resigned acceptance. The fleeting hope that I’d be able to apologize and we could be friends had faded somewhere over the weekend. The next two months were going to suck, and that’s all there was to it. The only consolation was that I only had to get through the first two weeks alone with him, then he’d be able to shift his focus to training rather than everything I’d done to hurt him.

  The van slowed in front of the athletics administration building. Everyone else hurried to gather their equipment, while I hung back. From what Liam had told me, there was yet another meeting this morning to introduce the production staff to the players and coaches, and from there, we’d get to work. He’d warned me the players were likely going to be pissy about the fact that they’d been called to training camp early, but they’d quickly get over it. I hoped he was right, because it was going to be pure hell following Zach around for the week between the start of filming and their official report date, even without him being in a foul mood. Watching him go through his normal preparations for camp would be like the Ghost of Relationships Past visiting me in my sleep to show me what my life could’ve been like if I hadn’t walked away.

  Leaving Zach was the single biggest mistake I’d made in my life, and now I was going to be forced to face him once again. I wasn’t sure which would be worse: seeing him as torn up as I was, or knowing he’d gotten over me and now had a great life. I prayed that, either way, he wasn’t seeing anyone, because it’d kill me to have to pretend he meant nothing to me while watching him in love with someone else.

  “Out of curiosity, what happens if a player refuses to work with the cameraman they’ve been assigned?” I asked Liam as he walked me through making sure I had everything I’d need for the next week. As soon as our production meeting ended, I’d get in the car with Zach and we’d be on our own for two long weeks. None of the production crew, no teammates or coaches, just him, me, and my camera. The closer we got to call time, the more concerned I became that Zach would flat-out refuse to put himself in that situation.

  Liam shrugged, obviously assuming I was freaking about every remote possibility that entered my mind. “Dunno, it’s never happened before. Why? There something you haven’t told me?”

  Hoisting my bag over my shoulder, I studied the ground at my feet, the clearing of trees in the quad, anything to avoid looking at Liam.

  “What’s going on with you, Miller?” Liam pressed as we made our way into the building. Everywhere I looked, there were memories of Zach and me. I used to sit just to the left of the entrance, rough bricks digging into my back as I waited for practice to finish. No matter how much I’d wanted to watch Zach play, the paranoid part of my mind told me that was a bad idea. If anyone saw me hanging around the field, they’d know we were more than friends. So, I put up with what he was able to give me until it wasn’t enough. Eventually, I gave up on waiting for him and found my own friends, and living in Zach’s shadow stole away pieces of the man I wanted to become. “Wait, you went to Patterson, didn’t you say something about that?”

  “Yeah, for a while,” I admitted. I’d never kept it secret that Raleigh was home for me. “But they don’t have much of a film program, so I wound up transferring out as soon as I could.”

  This was the lie I’d told anyone who asked what made me transfer away from Patterson. My chest ached during the first few months, my tongue twisting on the lie because it hadn’t been my reason for leaving and I knew it. I’d have stayed where I was, gotten a photo journalism degree with a minor in psychology, and settled for the knowledge that I had a sensible degree to show for it. That was the plan, right up until it became impossible to think about staying at the school where I’d no doubt see Zach frequently when I couldn’t be with him.

  “So, do you, like, know Kendricks or something?” Liam pressed, getting far too close to the truth for my comfort. I wasn’t sure what’d happen if anyone found out that we were each other’s firsts. That we spent every minute we could together, thanks to my parents paying for an apartment near campus so I wouldn’t have to worry about someone bashing me when I was in the communal showers. They’d known since I was in my early teens that I was gay and always went out of their way to accommodate me so my life would be easier, and I loved them for it. I only hated that I’d allowed them to think something had happened on campus the night I’d shown up at their house insisting on moving north. I could’ve corrected them, but I didn’t. It was easier for them to think the campus was my problem, because otherwise I’d have to admit how my heart was breaking.

  “Kinda,” I responded, still holding on to his secrets years later. “I mean, who didn’t know him? He was the talk of the team, even during his red shirt year, so it was hard to not know who he was.”

  “Did you hit on him or something and now you think he’s gonna want to kick your ass?” We stopped by the craft table for something to eat before following the rest of the crew into the meeting hall. Nope, he’s the one who hit on me. Even now, it amazed me that I’d ever caught Zach’s attention.

  He was the idiot who decided to study in the middle of a park known for being a local cruising spot. I’d thought I was doing him a favor by pointing out his mistake and was floored when he asked me what I was doing there. All I could do was shrug, and in a momentary lapse of judgment, he asked if I lived in student housing. I shook my head, invited him back to my place, and his mouth turned up in a wicked smile. “Text me your address,” he’d insisted. I did, even as he reminded me that this couldn’t get out to anyone. Ever. That should’ve been a red flag, but I was so fucking anxious about getting my dick sucked, or sucking his, that I immediately agreed. Looking back, it wasn’t the brightest idea for me to let a man I didn’t know follow me home, but it had worked out. Right up until it didn’t. “I can’t believe even you’d be that dumb.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I scoffed.

  “Nothing, man.” He cracked the top on his can of soda, draining half in one gulp. “It’s just… Look, you have this innocence about you. You’re not like the guys who grew up in New York or LA. But I don’t think you’d be stupid enough to make a pass at a football player.”

  “You’d be surprised at the stupid shit some people do,” I pointed out. Giles entered the room with a group of burly men dressed in the Breakers’ teal and white polo shirts. That was one of the few times I was happy to see our producer walk into a room.

  The first twenty minutes of the meeting were fairly routine. Giles informed all of us, once again, of what we were doing there. For the benefit of the Breakers’ staff, he repeated where we were and were not allowed to film. Locker rooms were off-limits unless we were escorted by the coaching staff. Some meetings would be closed doors, because the team wasn’t willing to risk one of their opponents being fed classified information. It seemed the NDAs we’d all signed meant jack shit to these guys. Then again, that wasn’t all that much of a surprise. Competition at this level was fierce, and there’d been several instances of teams going to great lengths to get information that’d help them crush an opponent. For the right price, they could
probably convince just about anyone in this room to breach their own contract.

  I grew more restless with every passing minute, knowing eventually the doors would open once again and I’d be less than twenty feet away from Zach. I actually felt bad for him, because unlike me, he had no clue what was about to happen. I wished in that moment that I could turn back time and find contact information for him, even if it meant calling his parents and pleading with them to get me in touch with him, just so he’d have a bit of warning. It seemed unfair to blindside him this way.

  Fate wasn’t on my side, and Giles decided to excuse the general crew members before Coach ushered in the showcase players. The six of us remaining in the room were asked to move to the front and center. I hesitated, not ready for our reintroduction. Over the years, I’d thought about what I’d say to Zach if I saw him again. I wanted to apologize to him, tell him I’d never meant to hurt him. He wouldn’t believe me, but it was the truth. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t go on slowly killing myself, either. I’d stand there, taking whatever he had to dish out, knowing I’d earned his hatred and anger. Once I’d learned we’d be working together and someday turned into a definite date, I began rehearsing my apology. I would tell him everything that was on my mind, but first, we had to get through the rest of this meeting.

  The players followed Nixon into the room, none of them looking excited about what was to come. Zach was caught up in a conversation with one of his teammates and didn’t see me at first. But god, did I see him. He looked amazing. His shoulders were broader, hair shorter, scruff on his face giving him a carefree look. He laughed and my breath caught. I missed that sound. Coach called for everyone to pay attention and when Zach looked our way, I wouldn’t allow myself to turn away. The icy blue eyes that once looked at me with love when we were alone together were cold. Hard. I doubted anyone else noticed the way he flinched, quickly schooling his features as though nothing was amiss.

  I’m sorry, I mouthed to him. He shook his head, eyes still narrowed on me as Giles began describing how he saw the next two weeks playing out. We were to blend into the background of the players’ lives. They weren’t to acknowledge us and we weren’t to engage them. We were guests in their home, but we were to act like a piece of furniture. That should’ve been a relief, but it wasn’t. The longer I went without saying anything to Zach, the worse it’d be for both of us. I didn’t want him thinking I’d taken this job, knowing he would be one of the showcase players. I didn’t want him assuming I’d had any sort of influence over being assigned to follow him. The old me might’ve orchestrated a way to get close to him again, but I hadn’t been that person since shortly after arriving in New York.

  “Are there any questions?” Coach asked toward the end of the meeting. Five of the players shook their heads, but Zach stood still as a statue, staring daggers in my direction. I swallowed hard, wondering if this was to be the moment when he’d expose us both. He’d splinter the closet door and I’d be on the phone with the agency, begging them to find me a gig anywhere on the other side of the country. But that wasn’t Zach’s style. He wasn’t going to do anything that’d put his reputation on the line, and being a viewed as a troublemaker would definitely do that. “Kendricks? You good down there?”

  “Yes, sir,” Zach responded through gritted teeth. “Just freaking peachy. Can we get on with this?”

  Giles called each of us to the front of the room to meet our players in the same order we’d been called in the last production meeting. Zach’s reaction to seeing his teammates paired off with cameramen who weren’t me was likely the same as the one I’d had. His eyes grew wide, he balled his hands into fists at his sides. He pursed his lips, eyes narrowing to slivers as he shook his head. Yeah, it was a pretty safe bet he figured I’d done this on purpose. How he could assume I’d do something to out him now, when I’d left solely because I knew how important it was to him to keep that secret, I’d never know.

  “Zach Kendricks,” Giles called out, waving me to stand in front of him. “Meet Griffin Miller, your new best friend for the next two months.” The amusement in Giles’ voice concerned me. There was something he knew that he wasn’t telling anyone. Bile curdled in my stomach as I realized he’d somehow uncovered Zach’s past. This was a setup. He didn’t give a flying fuck about ruining anyone’s life, just as long as it made for good television. And I’d fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.

  “Nice to meet you,” Zach said curtly, oblivious to the fact he’d just become a pawn in trying to liven up this season of the show. I needed to get him into the car, where we’d be able to talk about this. If I trusted that Giles wouldn’t find another skeleton to exploit, I’d have sprinted away from this assignment. But that wasn’t possible, because whether he’d admit it or not, Zach needed me now more than ever.

  Four

  (Zach)

  No way in hell could this be happening. It wasn’t bad enough that I’d been named as one of the featured players to have a camera following me into the bathroom in the morning. No, now that I’d come out to Coach Rodgers, everyone would get to see me in all my awkward glory as I tried to play it cool around Griffin. I had no clue what type of game he was playing, but I wasn’t going to let him make a fool out of me. Not again.

  It’d been hard to convince everyone nothing was wrong after he’d left. I’d gotten so lost in the bottom of the bottle that I’d nearly sacrificed my scholarship. It’d been unfair of me to ask him to be my dirty little secret, so I shouldn’t have been surprised when he decided he was through being miserable for me. And the worst part was I’d known I could never be the man he wanted by his side, but I was so selfish that I didn’t care. That last bit had taken me a while to realize, and it was something I’d never voiced to anyone. The only people who knew what’d really happened were my parents and Nate, and I’d let them all think Griffin was the villain in this story.

  “Hey, we’re heading out,” one of the cameramen said to Griffin as we all got ready to take off. He gave me a curious look, making me wonder if Griffin had already told him about our past. I’d like to think he wouldn’t do that to me, but there was no telling where his head was at. For all I knew, this was his way of getting back at me for being a closeted dick when we were in college. I hung back, trying to pay attention to deShawn talking about the party his wife was planning for later in the week, but I was more focused on eavesdropping as Griffin and the other guy chatted about their expectations for this week. “If you run into any problems, give me a call. We’ll be down at the beach until the day before the guys have to report. It’s a rough job, but someone’s gotta do it.”

  “Lucky you,” Griffin grumbled.

  “Yeah, no shit. You know what his plans are?” Griffin shrugged, looking back at me for a clue.

  “I just moved,” I informed them. “As much as I’d love to be kicking back for two last weeks of freedom, I’ve got shit to do. Probably be boring as hell.” More like pure torture. No one had been to my place yet, and now the first visitor was going to be Griffin. That seemed like a bad omen. Maybe Dad was right and I shouldn’t have bought a place of my own just yet. “If you’re ready, I’d like to get on the road. I have a delivery coming in later tonight.”

  Griffin nodded, said goodbye to his coworkers, and followed me out of the building. When we reached my car, Griffin stood at the back door on the passenger’s side, waiting for me to unlock the doors. “You don’t have to sit back there,” I told him, wishing like hell it wasn’t so hard to talk to him. Wishing it didn’t physically hurt to know he was so close to me. Knowing that, like it or not, the scent of his cologne was going to linger in my upholstery long after he was gone. “I’m not happy about this arrangement, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be a dick to you.”

  “This is where I’m supposed to sit,” he responded, staring into the backseat of my car. I hadn’t thought about anyone sitting back there, so I hadn’t bothered to clean out the garbage and little shit I hadn’t carried
into the house yet. “Then again, maybe it’s not safe to sit back here. Pretty sure this is what would be classified as a health hazard.”

  He was trying to lighten the mood, but all that did was piss me off. His quip was one I’d heard often, pretty much every time we took my car to go anywhere. As much as I hated the forced conversation, I didn’t want him falling back into easy exchanges or giving me a hard time. “Yeah, well, no matter how much some shit changes, other things stay the same. I don’t give a fuck where you sit, but we really do need to hit the road. If you’re going to stay back there, I’ll have to move shit around.”

  “It’s okay,” he told me, sidestepping to the front door. “I won’t be able to record, but maybe that’s for the best anyway.”

  What’d be for the best would be going back to last week and telling Coach this was going to be way too much of a distraction. Since that wasn’t going to happen, it was time to set a few ground rules. I crossed my arms on the roof of the car, leaning in to appear casual. “Let’s get one thing clear right now. The past is off-limits. I’m not talking about it. At all. You’re here to pay attention to my training camp experience, so as long as you remember your job, we’ll be good.”

  “I can do that, but can you?” Griffin challenged me. “I know this probably looks bad, but you have to know I didn’t plan this. I was as surprised as you were.”

  “Somehow I doubt that,” I argued. “It seems pretty damn convenient that you not only show up here, but then I get picked to be a showcase player and you get to follow me around for two months. If you were hoping to get back what we had, you can drop that dream right now. I’m not the one who walked away. You threw away any chance of being in my life when you didn’t think I deserved to have a say in what happened to us.”

  “You’re right,” he agreed. “And that’s not why I’m here. As hard as it may be for you to believe, I was called for this assignment before I even knew what team we’d be working with. If it wouldn’t have raised questions I didn’t want to answer, I’d have asked one of the guys to trade players with me. I tried to find a way to do just that, but without risking outing you or pretending you were a homophobic asshole I’d had a bad interaction with when we were both in school, I couldn’t think of a way to get out of it. So now we’re both stuck here. But you have my word, I won’t say a word to anyone about us. As far as I’m concerned, that part of the past is long gone. And I will do everything I can to make sure your secret is safe.”